


The Internet Was A Mistake

by SilberFelx



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, F/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Relationship Tags to Be Added - Freeform, Some Plot, Some angst, all I have planned so far is angst so maybe more than some, chatfic, i'm joining in, still humor-oriented
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:54:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23861137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilberFelx/pseuds/SilberFelx
Summary: Another chatfic. You know how these go by now.This one will have more unusual pairings, so no Edelthea, Dimiclaude or Sylvix. The tags for those will be added in the future.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/Claude von Riegan, Sylvain Jose Gautier/Bernadetta von Varley
Comments: 16
Kudos: 49





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't have any excuses for making this.
> 
> Expect a lot of obscure references and rarepairs.

**Byleth Eisner has created "Garreg Mach Students".**

**Byleth Eisner has added 24 people to the chat.**

**Byleth Eisner:** Welcome to Garreg Mach, everyone. As the new professor, I have been tasked with giving you a place to get to know each other and develop friendships, as well as watching over said place. I hope all of you will have fun and behave.

**Byleth Eisner:** I have given admin rights to the three house leaders, so if any problems arise, please ask them for help.

**Byleth Eisner:** If any of you ruin the experience for other students, you will come to regret it.

**Byleth Eisner is offline.**

**Claude von Riegan:** damn teach way to scare everyone off

**Edelgard von Hresvelg:** Somehow I doubt it will deter you from pulling off your schemes.

**Claude von Riegan:** you know me so well princess

**Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd:** I think this is a great way for us to bond with each other! I do hope everyone will enjoy their time here!

**Felix Hugo Fraldarius:** i won't.

**Sylvain Jose Gautier:** geez felix calm down

**Claude von Riegan:** okay, before everyone floods the chat with messages

**Claude von Riegan:** i have an announcement to make

**Lorenz Hellman Gloucester:** This can only go poorly.

**Claude von Riegan:** Lorenz Hellman Gloucester is a bitch-ass motherfucker

**Lorenz Hellman Gloucester:** Claude! I was not expecting much and you still find ways to disappoint me!

**Claude von Riegan:** if you could stop talking for two seconds i might be able to make the actual annoucement

**Edelgard von Hresvelg:** Claude, while I do somewhat understand your disdain for Lorenz, please do not make such crude remarks.

**Claude von Riegan:** i will if you just let me finish

**Edelgard von Hresvelg:** Go ahead.

**Claude von Riegan:** thx

**Claude von Riegan:** okay so everyone can change their own username

**Claude von Riegan:** being the merciful ruler I am I will allow you to choose these on your own and I will only change them if I think it is necessary

**Lorenz Hellman Gloucester:** Preposterous.

**Claude von Riegan changed Lorenz Hellman Gloucester's nickname to "pythagoras hair".**

**pythagoras hair:** Excuse you?

**Claude von Riegan changed their nickname to "sexiest man alive".**

**Sylvain Jose Gautier:** doubt

**sexiest man alive changed Sylvain Jose Gautier's nickname to "damn Claude I wish I could be that sexy".**

**damn Claude I wish I could be that sexy:** i withdraw my previous message, please give me another chance

**sexiest man alive:** fine

**damn Claude I wish I could be that sexy changed their nickname to "Gaut 'em".**

**sexiest man alive:** mmm

**sexiest man alive:** not that much better

**Gaut 'em:** i had to come up with something on the spot i'm not good at that

**Ingrid Brandl Galatea:** Yet whenever you flirt with someone you seem to make up new excuses for being an ass.

**Gaut 'em:** ingrid why are you doing me like this

**Felix Hugo Fraldarius:** you deserve it.

**Felix Hugo Fraldarius changed their nickname to "nothing personnel kid".**

**Ingrid Brandl Galatea changed their nickname to "high above you".**

**sexiest man alive:** not bad felix, positively surprised

**nothing personnel kid:** whatever nickname you would have given me would have been worse.

**sexiest man alive:** fair

**sexiest man alive:** given that i have a life i'll set a time limit for changing your nicknames yourself

**Edelgard von Hresvelg changed their nickname to "Bring Me to Life".**

**Bring Me to Life:** Says the person who has been active the entire time so far.

**sexiest man alive:** rude

**sexiest man alive:** my point still stands, if some of you have not changed your nicknames before 8 pm i'll do it for you

**Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd:** Claude, it is 7:55.

**sexiest man alive:** exactly

**Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd changed their nickname to "dab".**

**sexiest man alive:** oh my god

**dab:** ?

**Bring Me to Life:** Dimitri, you have just brought doom upon yourself.

**dab:** ??? It's just my initials

**Gaut 'em:** Dimitri

**Gaut 'em:** buddy

**Gaut 'em:** i'd advise you to change it

**high above you:** For once in my life, I agree with Sylvain

**Gaut 'em:** ouch

**nothing personnel kid:** i think it's perfectly fine.

**Mercedes von Martritz:** Oh my! I see you're all having fun here already! May I join in?

**high above you:** Mercedes, you don't have to ask. You're always welcome with us :)

**Mercedes von Martritz:** That's so nice of you, Ingrid.

**Mercedes von Martritz:** So! How has your day been?

**Bring Me to Life:** Living in fear of what Claude will do in two minutes.

**sexiest man alive:** is that a challenge?

**Bring Me to Life:** Damn it.

**Mercedes von Martritz:** I have only skimmed through the messages, so I'm not sure what you mean?

**Bring Me to Life:** Claude will change the usernames of everyone who has not already changed theirs at 8 pm.

**Mercedes von Martritz:** oh.

**Mercedes von Martritz:** claude.

**sexiest man alive:** yes?

**Mercedes von Martritz:** i do hope you'll treat your classmates with a bit of respect. :)

**sexiest man alive:** mercie you're scaring me

**Mercedes von Martritz:** good.

**Hilda Valentine Goneril:** SKASFDHGHE

**Hilda Valentine Goneril:** CLAUDE YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE MURDERED

**sexiest man alive:** hilda please help me

**Hilda Valentine Goneril changed their nickname to "sexiest woman alive".**

**sexiest woman alive:** dw claude i'm here for you

**sexiest woman alive:** oh hey it's 8 pm

**sexiest woman alive:** claude?

**sexiest woman alive:** claude???

**Bring Me to Life:** I'd say we hit rock bottom already but given that I know all of you that would be too optimistic.

**Dorothea Arnault changed their nickname to "bitch I'm fabulous".**

**bitch I'm fabulous:** that's a new record in getting edie to give up quickly

**Bring Me to Life:** I haven't given up.

**Bring Me to Life:** I didn't have any hopes from the start.

**bitch I'm fabulous:** oh

**Bring Me to Life: @everyone** I'd advise you all to change your nicknames before Claude comes back or he'll do it for you.

**Ignatz Victor changed their nickname to "i'm an artist my life is pain".**

**Raphael Kirsten changed their nickname to "meat 'n' muscles".**

**Marianne von Edmund changed their nickname to "Marianne".  
**

**Leonie Pinelli changed their nickname to "best mercenary".**

**Lysithea von Ordelia changed their nickname to "i dare you to come into dark spikes range".**

**Bring Me to Life:** Looks like the Golden Deer know what disaster that would've been.

**sexiest woman alive:** hey i'm all for bullying claude every once in a while but maybe don't do it while he can't defend himself

**sexiest woman alive:** for all we know he could be dying somewhere

**best mercenary:** press X to doubt

**i dare you to come into dark spikes range:** x

**i'm an artist my life is pain:** X

**meat 'n' muscles:** X!

**Marianne:** x?

**pythagoras hair:** X.

**Gaut 'em:** x

**nothing personnel kid:** x.

**high above you:** X

**sexiest woman alive:** of course you all come online just for that

**i dare you to come into dark spikes range:** can you blame us

**sexiest woman alive:** not really

**Annette Fantine Dominic changed their nickname to "the one true babey".**

**the one true babey:** have any of you seen Mercie? she just suddenly disappeared with a weird facial expression

**sexiest woman alive:** claude if you backread this i'm sorry but

**sexiest woman alive:** that's an F

**best mercenary:** F

**meat 'n' muscles:** F!

**i'm an artist my life is pain:** f

**i dare you to come into dark spikes range:** no respect for claude.

**Marianne:** F

**pythagoras hair:** I agree with Lysithea.

**Gaut 'em** : f

**nothing personnel kid:** f.

**high above you:** f

**Bring Me to Life:** F.

**sexiest woman alive:** wait

**sexiest woman alive:** Edelgard?

**Dedue Molinaro:** F.

**sexiest woman alive:** DEDUE???

**best mercenary:** HSKSGDF

**Dedue Molinaro changed their nickname to "cooking but with muscles".**

**cooking but with muscles:** I have seen Mercedes and Claude in the cathedral for those of you that are interested.

**cooking but with muscles:** Claude has never struck me as very religious, so I was surprised to see him in a praying position.

**sexiest woman alive:** GOLDEN DEER ATTENTION

**sexiest woman alive:** CLAUDE IS IN SEVERE DANGER

**sexiest woman alive:** OPERATION RESCUE SEXY MAN IS A GO

**sexiest woman alive is offline.**

**best mercenary is offline.**

**Marianne is offline.**

**meat 'n' muscles is offline.**

**i'm an artist my life is pain is offline.**

**i dare you to come into dark spikes range:** lorenz i know you dislike claude as much as i do but i think we'll have to set that aside for once.

**pythagoras hair:** Just this once.

**i dare you to come into dark spikes range is offline.**

**pythagoras hair is offline.**

**dab:** I'm not sure what is happening but it is nice to see the Golden Deer this unified for once!

**Bring Me to Life:** Dimitri, where have you been?

**dab:** Sylvain had a long talk with me about my username.

**dab:** Do any of you have any suggestions as to what to change it to?

**nothing personnel kid:** spaghetti hair.

**the one true babey:** Felix! please behave, I have to go to Mercie!

**nothing personnel kid:** fine.

**the one true babey is offline.**

**dab:** any other suggestions?

**high above you** : Claude can't change your name, so you could just leave it as Dimitri.

**Gaut 'em:** ingrid that's no fun

**high above you:** Try again some other time, Sylvain, maybe I'll care about your opinion then.

**Gaut 'em:** harsh

**dab:** I think I will ask again when everyone is online.

**Gaut 'em:** dima, claude's ideas will only be worse

**dab changed their nickname to "Dimitri".**

**Dimitri:** I'll leave it like this for now.

**Bring Me to Life:** Dorothea, I can see you lurking. Would you mind explaining why the rest of the Black Eagles have not yet visited the chat?

**bitch i'm fabulous:** um.

**bitch i'm fabulous:** it's the usual.

**Bring Me to Life:** Okay, let me guess.

**Bring Me to Life:** Linhardt is asleep.

**bitch i'm fabulous:** yep

**Bring Me to Life:** Caspar and Ferdinand are training.

**bitch i'm fabulous:** yep

**Bring Me to Life:** Petra has dificulties understanding how this works.

**bitch i'm fabulous:** yep

**Bring Me to Life:** Bernadetta is hiding away in her room and nobody knows what she's doing in there.

**bitch i'm fabulous:** yep

**Bring Me to Life:** Well, I shouldn't be surprised.

**bitch i'm fabulous:** wait

**bitch i'm fabulous:** what about hubie

**Bring Me to Life:** He's with me, reading the chat.

**Hubert von Vestra:** Do not call me Hubie.

**bitch i'm fabulous is offline.**

**Bring Me to Life:** Hubert, please make sure she didn't just suffer a heartattack.

**Hubert von Vestra:** Of course, Lady Edelgard.

**Hubert von Vestra is offline.**

**Bernadetta von Varley:** oh good he's gonee ;;

**Bring Me to Life:** Bernadetta? I have not seen you lurking.

**Bernadetta von Varley:** aaahhh i'm sorry! i was reading the notifications ;;

**Bring Me to Life:** Don't worry, I'm not mad at you. I was just surprised is all.

**Bernadetta von Varley:** i didn't want to make you angry please don't kill meeeeee!

**Bring Me to Life:** I won't. You can calm down now.

**Bernadetta von Varley:** oh bernie you're so stupid and still can't calm down when father tells you to

**Bring Me to Life:** What?

**Bernadetta von Varley is offline.**

**Bring Me to Life:** Does anyone know what she was talking about? **@Black Eagles**

**Bring Me to Life:** Are they really all still not available?

**Petra MacNeary:** i#mhereladyedelgard

**Bring Me to Life:** Oh, Petra. That is a relief.

**Bring Me to Life:** Do you need some help with learning how to use this?

**Petra MacNeary:** don#tworrydorotheahashelpedme

**Bring Me to Life:** Petra, please put spaces between your words.

**Petra MacNeary:** howcaniputspacebetweensomethingthatisnotthere

**Bring Me to Life:** Hold on, I'll come over and show you.

**Bring Me to Life is offline.**

**Petra MacNeary is offline.**

**[9:45pm]**

**Byleth Eisner has added Seteth to the group.**

**Seteth:** Dear students, I'd like to know why there have been reports of a horde of armed students storming into the church with the apparent leader shouting "don't die, sexy man".

**sexiest man alive:** i'm alive everyone!

**Seteth:** Claude, would you mind sharing your story with us?

**sexiest man alive:** ABORT ABORT ABORT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please forgive me
> 
> If you get the references you're a new friend


	2. Chapter 2

**[7:55 am]**

**Seteth:** Claude, I am not kidding. Something tells me you are involved in this.

**sexiest man alive:** for once i am not guilty

**sexiest man alive:** i was simply praying in the cathedral

**Seteth:** As much as I would like to believe that you finally started to practice the teachings of Seiros, I find it highly unlikely.

**Seteth:** On a sidenote, adding "for once" does not make you any more trustworthy in my eyes.

**Seteth:** I must be getting back to my duties for now, but we will talk about this again at a later time.

**Seteth:** Do not cause more commotion than you already have.

**Seteth is offline.**

**sexiest man alive:** wow

**sexiest man alive:** i get rescued from being chewed out by mercie only to get caught in the clutches of seteth himself

**sexiest woman alive:** talk about ungrateful

**sexiest woman alive:** we were only trying to save you

**Dimitri:** Hilda, Claude, please put your phones away. Class is about to start.

**sexiest woman alive:** bold of you to assume i have enough energy for class left after leading the rescue mission yesterday

**Seteth:** Hilda, I will talk to you after class.

**sexiest woman alive is offline.**

**sexiest man alive is offline.**

**Dimitri is offline.**

**Byleth Eisner:** Seteth, please don't give my students a heart attack.

**Seteth:** My apologies.

**[11:15 am]**

**sexiest man alive:** since hilda is currently being murdered

**sexiest man alive:** anyone wanna spend our brief time in freedom with me

**pythagoras hair:** Always with your theatrics.

**sexiest man alive:** i ask you as your dearest nemesis to shut your mouth gloucestie

**pythagoras hair:** How dare you ruin my good family name for your stupid jokes!

**sexiest man alive:** well i'd love to ruin your hair but you already did that to yourself

**best mercenary:** there was no need to set him on fire, claude

**best mercenary:** his wig is all that's left

**Gaut 'em:** does that mean his wig is fireproof?

**i dare you to come into dark spikes range:** Why not test it out? I've recently studied some fire magic.

**pythagoras hair:** I am begging all of you to stop

**i dare you to come into dark spikes range:** nah

**Gaut 'em:** nope

**best mercenary:** eh no

**sexiest man alive:** no way jose

**Gaut 'em:** ?

**nothing personnel kid:** sylvain, that was not directed at you.

**high above you:** Not everything has to be about you.

**Gaut 'em:** :(

**sexiest man alive:** that reminds me

**sexiest man alive:** nickname time!

**Caspar von Bergliez changed their nickname to "your nose is mine".**

**Linhardt von Hevring changed their nickname to "p".**

**Hubert von Vestra changed their nickname to "Lady Edelgard's Shadow".**

**Ferdinand von Aegir changed their nickname to "You know my name".**

**sexiest man alive:** wow

**sexiest man alive:** you guys really don't want me to have fun do you

**Lady Edelgard's Shadow:** Correct.

**your nose is mine:** lin why is your nickname that

**p:** didn't want claude to choose my nickname

**p:** this was the letter closest to enter on the keyboard

**i dare you to come into dark spikes range:** how can a person be this lazy?

**p:** thx i try

**sexiest man alive:** even hilda could still learn from you

**sexiest man alive:** i'm impressed so i'll leave you nickname alone for now

**You know my name:** Coming from you, that sounds like a threat.

**sexiest man alive:** it is

**sexiest man alive:** well then, who's left

**i'm an artist my life is pain:** Petra, Bernadetta, and Ashe, I think.

**sexiest man alive:** thanks iggie, you're the man of the hour

**Bring Me to Life:** Claude.

**sexiest man alive:** yes princess?

**Bring Me to Life:** If you bully Bernadetta, you'll wish you'd never been rescued from the cathedral.

**sexiest man alive:** ,

**sexiest man alive:** okay then anyone else who wants to murder me

**pythagoras hair:** Tempting.

**i dare you to come into dark spikes range:** ^

**You know my name:** I do not, however, I will agree with Edelgard for once. Bernadetta is taboo.

**Lady Edelgard's Shadow:** And I will agree with Ferdinand for once. I can make your life hell without injuring you, Claude.

**your nose is mine:** You got my axe, Edelgard!

**bitch i'm fabulous:** and my magic!

**p:** mine too i guess

**Petra MacNeary:** and my sword!

**Petra MacNeary:** was I doing that right?

**bitch i'm fabulous:** you're doing amazing dear

**sexiest man alive:** another six people on the list of possible assassins

**sexiest man alive:** but guys if you'll just listen for a minute

**sexiest man alive:** i know i'm not the most trustworthy guy

**Bring Me to Life:** That's an understatement.

**Lady Edelgard's Shadow:** Indeed.

**You know my name:** Truly.

**your nose is mine:** yep

**p:** ^

**bitch i'm fabulous:** yeah

**Petra MacNeary:** I am in agreement!

**sexiest woman alive:** I LIIIIIVE

**sexiest woman alive:** what did I miss

**sexiest woman alive:** oh

**sexiest woman alive:** i'm sorry claude but I have to agree

**sexiest man alive:** traitor

**pythagoras hair:** I'm pretty sure all of us can agree on this thing.

**i dare you to come into dark spikes range:** yeah

**best mercenary:** yep

**meat 'n' muscles:** Yep!

**i'm an artist my life is pain:** yes

**Marianne:** ...yes...

**sexiest man alive:** okay now only the blue lions need to jump in

**sexiest man alive:** come on, give it to me

**sexiest man alive:** then i'll be the one to have united all three houses under a single banner

**cooking but with muscles:** The banner that you aren't trustworthy?

**sexiest man alive:** looks like it

**cooking but with muscles:** That is understandable. I agree with the others.

**Gaut 'em:** same

**high above you:** damn everyone can overcome their conflicts to bully you huh

**high above:** I agree though

**nothing personnel kid:** as do i.

**the one true babey:** yep yep!

**Dimitri:** I'm sorry Claude, but I'm inclined to agree with them.

**sexiest man alive:** dw everyone does

**Mercedes Martritz:** I agree as well!

**i'm an artist my life is pain:** oh, sorry Claude! Looks like I forgot Mercedes

**sexiest man alive:** no problem, I wouldn't dare challenge her anyway

**sexiest man alive:** anyway, to get back to what I was saying

**sexiest man alive:** even though everyone can agree i'm anything but trustworthy

**sexiest man alive:** i'm not a monster

**sexiest man alive:** i won't bully bernie or marianne

**Bring Me to Life:** A wise decision.

**Mercedes von Martritz changed their name to "momcedes".**

**momcedes:** Annie suggested this nickname to me, I hope it is fine!

**Ashe Ubert:** I like it!

**sexiest man alive:** of course he's online now too

**sexiest man alive:** hey edelgard, i doubt bernadetta will change her nickname on her own, so why don't you choose one for her? i'll give one to ashe

**Bring Me to Life:** Sure.

**sexiest man alive changed Ashe Ubert's nickname to "hoodied cinnamon roll".**

**Bring Me to Life changed Bernadetta von Varley's nickname to "hoodied cinnamon roll".**

**Bring Me to Life:** ...oh.

**sexiest man alive:** well, this is awkward.

**Dimitri:** Looks like you two fit together really well!

**sexiest woman alive:** PFFFFFFFFF

**sexiest woman alive:** ALL ABOARD THE CLAUDE X EDELGARD SHIP

**sexiest man alive:** stab me in the back once, that's on me.

**sexiest man alive:** but by now i'm about to murder you.

**sexiest woman alive:** EVERYBODY HE'S BLSJAHKDGIDGWD IGIWGl

**Lady Edelgard's Shadow:** Lady Edelgard, would you like me to deal with this?

**Bring Me to Life:** Somehow I doubt Claude requires your assistance.

**Bring Me to Life:** If you'll excuse me, I will be going for now. I feel a slight headache coming.

**Bring Me to Life is offline.**

**your nose is mine:** we still have classes though???

**[01:15 pm]**

**Byleth Eisner:** Now that classes are over for today, I'd like to know where Hubert, Edelgard, Claude, and Hilda are.

**Byleth Eisner:** I can imagine that Hubert disappeared to watch over Edelgard, but Claude seems to be taking his sweet time torturing Hilda.

**best mercenary:** so that's what you think of claude huh?

**Byleth Eisner:** Well, Leonie just volunteered to looking for the missing Deer.

**Byleth Eisner:** Caspar, since you have so much energy that it always overflows in the middle of class, I'm sure you won't mind checking on Hubert and Edelgard.

**best mercenary:** thanks professor

**your nose is mine:** no problemo, prof!

**best mercenary is offline.**

**your nose is mine is offline.**

**Byleth Eisner:** As for the rest of you, you're free for now, except for Sylvain. I need to speak to you.

**high above you:** Sylvain I swear to the goddess I will murder you

**Gaut 'em:** I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING THOUGH

**Gaut 'em:** at least not that I remember???

**high above you:** Professor, I think one of the Blue Lions will go missing in the very near future.

**Byleth Eisner:** Don't worry Ingrid, it's not about him hitting on girls or anything like that.

**Gaut 'em:** oh thank god

**high above you:** hmph

**Byleth Eisner:** On a completely unrelated note, I'm impressed @hoodied cinnamon roll

**Byleth Eisner:** Your writing is very enjoyable.

**hoodied cinnamon roll:** Which one of us are you talking about, Professor?

**hoodied cinnamon roll:** AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH YOU READ MY BOOK???

**hoodied cinnamon roll:** Okay, apparently it's Bernie

**Gaut 'em:** FUCK

**Gaut 'em:** I WAS WONDERING WHERE IT WENT

**Byleth Eisner:** Language, Sylvain.

**Byleth Eisner:** But yes, you handed in Bernadetta's book alongside your essay.

**hoodied cinnamon roll:** PROFESSOR PLEASE BURN IT BEFORE IT CAN STAIN YOUR EYES ;;;;

**Byleth Eisner:** I'd recommend you pick it up and give it back to its rightful owner.

**Gaut 'em:** already on it professor

**hoodied cinnamon roll:** HF ZGUBBDVFWASQFFDFO

**Byleth Eisner:** Please hurry, I think Bernadetta is having a mental breakdown.

**[01:18 pm]**

**Direct Message: Byleth Eisner - Seteth**

**Seteth:** While I am all for making Sylvain work, why haven't you simply given back the document to Bernadetta yourself?

**Byleth Eisner:** Because I am the greatest wingman in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edelclaude rights
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> music

**[03:24 am]**

**nothing personnel kid:** who the fuck is blasting the fucking lucky star opening at 3 am

**nothing personnel kid:** i am trying to sleep

**Gaut 'em:** wait

**Gaut 'em:** felix

**Gaut 'em:** how do you know it's the Lucky Star OP

**nothing personnel kid:** i have the right to remain silent

**momcedes:** Why are you two even awake at this hour

**nothing personnel kid:** like i said, someone is loudly playing some music i don't recognize

**Gaut 'em:** hmmmmm

**momcedes:** Well, I suppose I can hardly blame you. It is rather loud, and Annie is currently in my room singing along with all her might.

**the one true babey:** mercie! why did you tell them that?!

**[03:26 am]**

**Private Message: Gaut 'em - nothing personnel kid**

**Gaut 'em:** yo

**Gaut 'em:** i can see you typing and it looks like you're struggling to find an excuse to come over

**Gaut 'em:** want me to help?

**nothing personnel kid:** how would you do that.

**Gaut 'em:** watch me

**[03:27 am]**

**Garreg Mach Students**

**Gaut 'em:** mercie and annie alone in a room with nobody to protect them? guess i'm coming over

**momcedes:** if only there was a strong swordsman to protect us from this great threat

**[03:27 am]**

**Private Message: Gaut 'em - nothing personnel kid**

**Gaut 'em:** bro i swear i didn't tell mercie about my plan

**Gaut 'em:** aside from that, nailed it

**nothing personnel kid:** thanks.

**Gaut 'em:** you know, i really can't tell whether you're being sarcastic through written text

**[03:28 am]**

**Garreg Mach Students**

**nothing personnel kid:** fine, i guess i'll help out.

**Bring Me to Life:** Truly a knight in shining armor.

**nothing personnel kid:** do not call me that.

**Dimitri:** Maybe I should join you, since you never know just what Sylvain might try.

**Several people are typing...**

**sexiest woman alive:** actually i was hoping you could help me out with something, i need your strength

**sexiest man alive:** actually how about we have a chat between house leaders together with Edelgard about the upcoming exams? we could use an extra brain

**hoodied cinnamon roll:** actually i was hoping Your Highness could tell me some stories about past rulers of Faerghus

**Dimitri:** Oh! Um, I'd be happy to help all of you out, of course.

**Dimitri:** But as the house leader, I suppose those duties come first. Hilda, Ashe, I hope it isn't too big of an inconvenience for you?

**sexiest woman alive:** of course not

**sexiest woman alive:** also can you please change ur name Ashe it's getting confusing

**hoodied cinnamon roll:** Oh, of course!

**hoodied cinnamon roll changed their name to "Cat Burglar".**

**Cat Burglar:** Is this okay?

**Gaut 'em:** yeah that works

**[03:30 am]**

**Private Message: sexiest man alive - sexiest woman alive**

**sexiest woman alive:** claude

**sexiest woman alive:** why would you pull edelgard into your plan

**sexiest woman alive:** a house leader meeting at 3 in the morning??? she'll murder you

**sexiest man alive:** let's hope i only lose a limb or so

**sexiest woman alive:** i'll be praying for you

**sexiest man alive:** you won't

**sexiest woman alive:** yeah i won't

**[03:32 am]**

**Private Message: Bring Me To Life - sexiest man alive**

**Bring Me to Life:** Claude.

**sexiest man alive:** no

**Bring Me to Life:** Don't worry, I won't kill you.

**Bring Me to Life:** I was hesitating to try to change Dimitri's mind, so I was glad to see you were successful.

**Bring Me to Life:** But the consequences are... rather unfortunate, one might say.

**Bring Me to Life:** So I was hoping to talk to you about a plan to avoid this meeting without seeming suspicious.

**Bring Me to Life:** Claude?

**[03:32 am]**

**Garreg Mach Students**

**sexiest woman alive:** damn that's gotta the biggest sigh of relief I've ever heard from Claude

**sexiest man alive:** shut

**Bring Me to Life:** Claude, please answer my messages.

**sexiest woman alive:** ooooohoHOHOHOHOHO

**sexiest man alive:** in a minute Edelgard brb

**[03:35 am]**

**Garreg Mach Students**

**sexiest man alive:** alright back

**Byleth Eisner:** Claude, I hope that Hilda will attend class in a state of well-being despite all the noise from her room.

**sexiest man alive:** teach, phrasing

**bitch i'm fabulous:** damn edie's eyes went _dead_ dead

**Byleth Eisner:** oh?

**Lady Edelgard's Shadow:** Watch yourself.

**Byleth Eisner:** Don't worry about me, Hubie.

**You know my name:** _oh_

**Byleth Eisner:** You should all go to sleep now, or else Seteth will get you.

**sexiest woman alive is offline.**

**sexiest man alive is offline.**

**Dimitri is offline.**

**Gaut 'em is offline.**

**nothing personnel kid is offline.**

**momcedes is offline.**

**the one true babey is offline.**

**Cat Burglar is offline.**

**Bring Me To Life is offline.**

**Lady Edelgard's Shadow is offline.**

**You know my name is offline.**

**bitch i'm fabulous is offline.**

**[03:38 am]**

**Private Message: anonymous - Byleth Eisner**

**anonymous:** Thank you for letting me use the Karaoke machine, professor! It was a lot of fun singing with you!

**Byleth Eisner:** My Pleasure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while


End file.
